Dear readers: I have not done this before, a whole day of his response to a single letter runs, but I am doing it now because they excited you.
This is what some of you had to say about “no more babies”, the woman with five children whose husband wanted her to have a tubal ligation.
Dear Harriette: If the load in the body of a vasectomy and a tubal ligation was comparable, I think your advice would be (almost) fair. However, the reality is that vasectomies are less invasive, require less recovery time and are easier to reverse than a tubal ligation.
For that husband to ask his wife to go through a more complicated, more painful and more permanent procedure after she has already put her body in five pregnancies is incredible.
Even if they were comparable, surely it would be “fair” both subject to the procedure, but it would also be inefficient in the best and cruel in the sausage.
He should obtain vasectomy and leave his body out of it.
– Duh?
Dear Harriette: Actually? “No more sex until both have submitted to procedures”?
Retaining sex to get what you want is is never Well for a relationship; It converts a shared intimate and emotional experience and the expression of love into a transaction.
I agree that this couple has a serious problem that must be solved together. This disagreement could also be a sign of other problems in their marriage that must be addressed. However, using sex as a barter chip to manipulate and control your partner is not the way to follow.
– More than one way to avoid pregnancy
Dear Harriette: Recommend any sex until the husband changes mind without questions about condoms or other birth control? Of course, point them on their way to divorce.
– There is no help at all
Dear Harriette: Sorry, Harriette, but I will have to completely disagree with the advice that you are not well “no more babies.”
He suggests that he stand firm and not declare more sex until he received a vasectomy. No! Here The body has gone through the changes of five pregnancies, not theirs. For your own tranquility and body, you should tie your tubes.
– Tubes tied after two
Dear Harriette: For “no more babies”: Forget about having a tubal ligation and urges your husband to overcome. He is being immature and selfish.
Your body has been enough! It is much easier and less demanding for a man to have a vasectomy than a woman to have a tubal ligation. My husband did it, and it was a breeze.
– Happy in Ohio
Dear Harriette: Although I think they both need better communication, I feel that your answer has now turned sex into a weapon, which is No Good or healthy for any relationship, married or not.
I will suggest that the husband use condoms. It still forces its point without arming something that is a large part of a relationship.
– The perspective of a man
Dear readers: Thank you for your care and indignation, both in the couple and in me, as well as in your reflexive response.
Marriage, the construction of the family and the treatment of change on the road can be difficult. Putting on the other person’s shoes with compassion can be extremely useful.
Harriette Cole is one of life and founder of Dreamlepers, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harrietcole.com oc/or Andrews McMeel Syndionction, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
