Dear Eric: Thirty years ago, at the age of 29, my missionary organization sent me to South America. There, with three middle -aged ladies, Mary, Jane and Beth.
As Spanish did not speak and Mary and Jane knew English, I got close to them. However, jealousy soon exploded with each other. Jane started telling me to be careful with Maria because she believed that Maria was in love with me.
I had clear my own feelings and intentions, so I transmitted them to Jane. Despite this, Jane continued to insist, to the point that I had to ask him to stop coming to our center.
I stayed there for five years. Mary came to our center every day, and when I left, we stayed in touch.
Ten years ago, Beth finally confirmed that Jane was right: that Mary had feelings for me and had told her that she didn’t care that she was married and that I was a celibacy missionary.
Since then, I am very annoying. I’ve been ghostly to Mary and I felt guilty for Jane.
Recently, I found Jane on social networks, but I didn’t contact her. Is my responsibility to make peace? Should I face Mary for injustice to Jane without involving Beth?
– Confused missionary
Dear missionary: Your personal standard may be different from mine, in which case, follow yours, of course, but I don’t think you are ties to make peace with Jane or confront Mary.
What Mary told Jane indicated a character defect and created a problem in Mary’s relationship with Jane for whom she should make peace. But from his letter, it is not an appeal that has done anything inappropriate. In fact, it seems that it had clear, healthy limits and well communicated with Jane and Mary.
Of the two, Jane is the one who crossed them by continuing with the intimidation of Mary. His intentions were noble, safe, but when you asked him to stop, he should have stopped.
Meanwhile, Mary came to the center regularly but, on her own, he did not cross a limit with you, he even thought he could have wanted.
This tells me as a problem that was about you but did not involve you. After all this time, you can do well to let it stay in the past.
Dear Eric: Recently I left a group of business networks only for members to which I belonged in half of my professional life.
I was always a very active member of the group. Every year, many more client references that I recovered are constantly cooled.
In general, I was happy with the business sent, so I kept renewing my membership and did not complain about the older book unbalanced. In addition, I think it is better to err on the side of generosity.
I had good long -term relations with everyone, whether we would do business together or not; We knew the spouses of the other and sometimes we entertain the group in our homes.
In recent years, I begin to experience rude and unpleasant behavior towards me, lies, power plays and deficient service levels provided by some of the members. In addition, incoming references for me almost stopped. I asked some members for advice, and they could not think about anything that should do differently to be more referestible.
I am bewildered why I would receive this treatment after taking all this business to the group members, again some reciprocal and others, doing many things for the group, helping him grow, etc. Should a less generous leg have?
Duration in my last week there, I shrunk the day of our meetings, so toxic and unpleasant felt the energy there.
I belong to other professional groups, some also for years, and it is like the night and day.
Does karma are still one thing? And if so, why did I bathe so much in exchange for so much? I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I would only want to know what the mistakes were!
– It is no longer on the network
Dear network: I don’t see mistakes here. You put an effort in good faith in improving this group and providing references for the benefit of the networks and the network did not relieve it to know it. It seems that maybe there were some members who were out of Temelves and that could also have biased their experience. But I think you’re right that generosity is the best tactic.
However, in the future, if you feel that you are not being treated fairly, or that you are not obtaining enough value from what you are paying, with time or energy, I hope you feel empowered to talk and ask for what is legitimate. This will help avoid the feeling of being the advantage of tasks or. You can still be generous while you are assertive.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19110. Follow it on Instagram @ouric and register for your weekly bulletin in Reichomas.com.
